3 years later...

Has it been that long? Has it only been 3 years....

Scott posted his recollections last night, reminding me once again how revealing it is to have a second set of eyes that catch/reflect events I've experienced, but only partially.

For me, that night is a blur, I'd had a long sleepless day in transit and after landing in Albany, spent the afternoon/evening at the hospital giving Scott a break and waiting for Shari to arrive (I think?)...we were at ICU late into the night, waiting for mom to stabilize. She finally did so I left to get some sleep, only to have the phone ring upon my arrival in the room at Becky's House: "You'd better come over..."

Mom had slipped away in the few minutes it took me to walk across the street. I returned, we spent the next couple of hours with her in the ICU room - an incredible experience, distressing and comforting and profound... Leaving her behind in that room was astonishingly difficult, even knowing as I did that she was no longer with us - I wasn't anywhere close to ready. And more than anything I wished that Wendy could have been there with us.

Before attempting sleep, I insisted we find a place to have a drink (at 2am). We found a little Irish pub around the corner, on the verge of closing but still open. What ensued was nothing less than a true upstate Irish wake - the sweet young bartenders took us under wing, Jameson's whiskey flowed freely, glasses were raised and toasts were made (to Eleanor, to mothers and grandmothers long departed), tears were shed along with our own, and eventually we were sent on our way, to face the dawning realization of what had just happened.

The days and weeks that followed were difficult and heartbreaking, stressful and comforting, and the power of love and encouragement that surrounded us and carried us along is hard to describe. I can say that - having been on the other side, as one who feels impotent and with little to offer - the mere presence of those who stood by us, and the quiet words of encouragement, comfort, condolence were incredible gifts whose impact can't be measured.

So, to all those innumerable friends and family members, acquaintances and near strangers who gathered around us in those most difficult days: thank you.